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If it feels harder than ever to get your child to focus, you’re not imagining it.
The number one challenge I hear in every workshop, parent meeting and teacher training I lead isn’t tantrums, sleep issues or picky eating. Over and over, parents and educators roll their eyes and tell me various versions of: “I just can’t get my kids to pay attention!”
As a mindful parenting expert, this doesn’t surprise me at all. Childhood today looks very different. I remember long days of wandering in the woods with my brother as a kid, playing elaborate board games, or just being bored out of our minds.
Kids’ ability to concentrate is under strain
Those extended periods of doing one (screen-free) thing at a time are rare these days. There are a number of factors at play:
- Children aren’t getting enough movement. Children’s brains evolved to learn through movement, yet most children today sit for more than seven hours daily and get less than half the physical activity they need.
- Technology fragments children’s attention spans. When using a device like an iPhone, a child switches tasks every 65 seconds on average, training their brains to expect constant novelty.
- Distracted grown-ups. When parents and caregivers constantly check phones or multitask, forgoing eye contact or responding absentmindedly, children internalize that scattered attention is normal.
- Inadequate sleep and downtime. Between packed schedules, inconsistent bedtimes and screens before sleep, many kids aren’t getting the deep rest their developing brains need to focus.
Tried-and-true ways to train your child’s brain to focus
There’s approximately a zero percent chance we’ll completely eliminate unhealthy distractions from our children’s lives, but we can help them build the mental muscles to use it mindfully.
1. Use gentle touch to connect
I learned this from watching one of my kids’ wonderful early childhood teachers in action.
She’d notice a child starting to get squirmy or disruptive, and instead of calling them out, she’d walk over (while still talking to the group) and rest her hand softly on their shoulder. It was a quiet physical connection that said, “I see you, and I’m here with you.”
This same approach works at home. When your child is distracted and you need their attention, try gently touching their shoulder or reaching for their hand while you speak. The physical connection is calming and helps bridge the gap between their world and yours.
2. Use positive language
Telling children what to do, as opposed to highlighting what they’re doing wrong, paints a clear picture of the behavior you want to see. And a clear instruction is easier for their developing brains to process and follow.
Focusing on the behavior you want to see sounds like “Walking feet, please” instead of “Stop running,” or “We keep our hands to ourselves” instead of “Don’t touch,” or “Let’s use our quiet voice” instead of “Stop yelling.” Every “don’t” instruction can be turned into a positive “do.”
This simple language shift creates a more positive vibe, and you now get to play the role of loving and firm guide, rather than the unwanted-behavior police.
3. Use ‘It’s time to … ‘
Instead of “Can you put your shoes on?” try, “It’s time to put your shoes on.” Rather than “Should we clean up your toys?” say, “It’s time to clean up your toys now.”
Kids feel more secure when they understand exactly what’s expected of them. Save the questions for times when they truly have an option: “Would you like to wear your sneakers or your boots today?”
Questions are for choices. Instructions are for must-dos. Once you put this into practice, you’ll have far fewer power struggles.
4. Try balance challenges
Balance activities naturally pull children into a state of focused attention because they have to tune in to what their bodies are doing in the moment.
When you’re trying not to fall off a pretend tightrope, you can’t help but focus. Your child may be envisioning their future in the circus, but what’s really happening is that they’re strengthening their ability to sustain attention while their bodies are in motion.
5. Remember that calm starts with you
It’s easy to forget about the huge role our own mindset plays, but just as children unconsciously mirror our speaking patterns and gestures, they also absorb and reflect our energy levels and emotional state.
The way we show up — scattered or centered, distracted or fully present — has a massive effect on our child’s ability to engage. When we prioritize our own sense of groundedness, we create an environment that naturally supports our child’s capacity for paying attention.
Kira Willey is the author of “The Joyful Child: Calm the Chaos, Connect With Your Kids, and Create More Happiness in Your Daily Routines.” Her work as a parenting expert has won Parents’ Choice Gold, four Independent Music Awards, and the ASCAP Foundation Children’s Songwriting Award.
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Excerpted from The Joyful Child by Kira Willey Copyright © 2026 by Kira Willey. Excerpted by permission of Rodale Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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