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Blow-up fights at the Colosseum, tears atop Mount Kilimanjaro and clashes over the window seat: Incompatible travel buddies can ruin a vacation.
As experts in friendship, travel and decision-making, we know that the stresses and complications of travel, not to mention the near-infinite number of decisions you have to make, can put a lot of pressure on a relationship that was perfectly delightful within a 10-mile radius of your homes. There’s a reason that people tell you to travel with someone before you marry them!
Thirty-five percent of travelers found that they weren’t compatible with a travel buddy, according to a Booking.com survey conducted in July of 1,253 U.S. adults who’d gone away overnight within the last 12 months. Twenty-one percent of respondents had even left a trip part-way through because of their travel partner, and a bad vacation made 28% think about ending the relationship or friendship with their ill-suited travel companion.
The problem is that we can have different, unsaid expectations of what a getaway might entail: Does one person want every day booked dawn-to-dusk with activities, while the other wants to lounge in the hotel spa until cocktail hour? Does someone want to go all out with seafood towers and Champagne, while the rest of the group prefers to nosh on convenience store hot dogs and guzzle local beer?
Not every friend, romantic partner or family member is the right travel partner for you. And it’ll save you time, money and disappointment to figure that out before you plan your itinerary.
Ask these travel compatibility questions before booking
We’ve created a quiz to help you quickly determine compatibility with your prospective travel partner so you can sidestep potential headaches down the line.
Here are six of the most important questions:
1. What kind of accommodations are you imagining? Are you comfortable sharing?
Start with the basics. Some of us can conk out in the middle of the nightclub; others need a white noise machine, blackout curtains and a room to ourselves. The hotels, hostels or apartments you visit on your trip are key to compatibility on the road — it’s hard to have a blissful holiday when you’re exhausted from someone else’s snoring.
2. Do you check your luggage?
The carry-on vs. checked luggage debate will never die, and this is one difference it’s wise to hash out in advance. No one wants to spend days carefully choosing their most stain-resistant T-shirts to tuck into a backpack only to see the other person arrive at the check-in desk with two maxed-out suitcases. This doesn’t have to be a holiday dealbreaker, but discuss it so everyone knows what to expect.
3. What does your dream vacation look like?
Is your dream vacation full of leisurely days, wandering around, popping into shops and cafes that look interesting and taking afternoon naps? Or is your dream vacation full of museums, restaurants, activities and movement?
For some people, a “vacation” means downtime, with few planned activities and lots of white space to do whatever feels appealing in the moment. For others, there’s no point in leaving home unless you’re going to maximize your time, and leaving a destination without visiting every dot on your dense Google Map is a wasted holiday.
4. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
This might seem insignificant, but more than one trip has been strained by a long morning routine. One person is straightening their hair and gluing on eyelashes; the other is wearing the same outfit they had on yesterday and tapping their foot, impatiently waiting to get going.
If you’re incompatible on this point but still want to travel together, we suggest deciding on a strategy in advance. Maybe it’s okay for one person to go out and explore, get coffee or eat the hotel breakfast alone, or the traveler who takes longer to get ready commits to setting an alarm for 45 minutes before their companion.
5. How much do you expect to spend?
Do you prefer to travel on the cheap? Or do you not get out of bed for fewer than five stars? In the Booking.com survey, 35% of respondents had argued over money with their travel buddy.
Budget considerations might be the most important thing to discuss before committing to anything. Ideally, you’d each set a budget for the trip, a number you’d be entirely comfortable spending, and then compare to see how far apart you are.
If one person is dreaming of an airport limousine pickup and the other person is planning to squirrel away bread rolls from the hotel breakfast to eat for lunch, you might be better off on different trips.
6. Will you be offended if your travel companion listens to music using headphones or opens a book?
Ever been stuck in an airplane seat next to someone who just won’t shut up? Compatible travel isn’t just about similar taste in food and accommodations. You’re going to be spending a lot of time with your travel buddy.
So before you get on that airport shuttle, have a quick chat: Are we both okay with doing our own thing during the tedious parts of the journey? Or does one of you expect that you’ll be “on” 24 hours a day and get their feelings hurt if the other prefers to zone out to a podcast?
Compare your answers and make the call
Once each potential traveler has answered the questions, review them together, discuss and make a decision about traveling together — or not.
- If too many differences come up, shake hands and agree to keep your hangouts local.
- If you’re mostly on the same page, see if you can plan a trip that works for both of you. For example, if your ideal activities or costs don’t match up, maybe one day you split up and just meet for dinner, or you set a restaurant budget together in advance rather than figuring it out on the fly and coming home to huge credit card bills.
- If you’re giving the same answer for every question, then you have our congratulations. Go forth and book those tickets!
Anna Goldfarb is a friendship expert and author of “Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections,” a Next Big Idea Club Must-Read. She writes the Substack Friendship Explained. She’s been featured in the New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, WIRED, Oprah Daily, Goop and more. Follow her on Instagram.
Nell Wulfhart has been helping people make big (and small!) decisions since 2013. Her clients have included politicians, hedge fund managers, Netflix executives, poets, parents, med students and many more. You can listen in on her coaching sessions on her podcast, The Decision Coach. Find her at decisioncoach.com.
