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Amy Chan, 44, has been coaching people on breakups and dating for years both one-on-one and at her specialized bootcamps. She’s been writing about the subject online even longer.
Her latest book, “Unsingle,” offers tools for finding a long-term relationship.
Among her clients’ most common complaints is the lack of chemistry they feel when they go on dates. Asked what they do before a date, many say they were rushing in and out of work or they were on their phone. These kinds of activities leave a person “numb when you go on a date,” she says. They can suck up so much energy.
Instead, Chan recommends doing what she calls her “pre-date priming ritual,” a simple exercise that can shift “your presence and your energy on that date,” she says.
Get ‘yourself in a state where you are present, you’re calm’
Twenty minutes before a date, Chan recommends doing any of the following activities, ideally even more than one:
- Watch a video of the northern lights
- Listen to a song that moves you
- Go for a walk in nature without your phone
- Meditate
The idea is to inspire awe, says Chan, which expands an individual’s perspective from their own self-interest to others’ needs, according to researchers at the University of California, Irvine and Peking University.
As opposed to the stress and fractured attention that rushing from place to place or being on your phone can cause, these activities get you “in a state where you are present, you’re calm,” she says. “Awe can help you be in a state of more connection and be more open and more curious.”
All of this can lead to being 100% present on the date, which can ultimately make it much easier to connect with the person you meet, she says, and see if they’re really right for you.
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