Commentary: How I convinced my teens to wait before using social media
Parenting teenagers in the age of social media isn’t about having the perfect rule. It’s about keeping the conversation going, says father of five Kelvin Kao.
A teenager poses for a picture while looking at a phone, in Bonn, Germany, February 20, 2026. REUTERS/Jana Rodenbusch
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SINGAPORE: About five years ago, my eldest son Truett, then 13, approached me with what seemed like a perfectly reasonable request.
A number of his friends were on Instagram – could he set up an account, too?
He probably assumed I’d say yes, given how I had spent the better part of two decades making a living creating campaigns on social media. Instead, I spent the next two evenings putting together a ten-slide PowerPoint presentation explaining why I thought he should wait.
The presentation covered Meta’s own research on the effects of social media on young people, how notifications exploit our reward systems, why adolescent brains are particularly susceptible to social validation and a handful of studies on attention and mental health. Despite my best efforts to inject levity and memes, it was probably in the running for top ten most boring presentations a 13-year-old has ever sat through.
Guess Word
Crack the word, one row at a time
Buzzword
Create words using the given letters
Mini Sudoku
Tiny puzzle, mighty brain teaser
Mini Crossword
Small grid, big challenge
Word Search
Spot as many words as you can
I sat back at the end of my spiel, and braced for his protest.
There was none. Instead, he listened quietly, thought about it for a moment, and asked if Discord, an instant messaging platform, was off-limits too. After ironing out some ground rules, we agreed that he could be on that platform.
For Instagram, my preference was that he wait until he was 18. We eventually settled on revisiting the conversation at 16.
And just like that, the Kao family social media guidelines were set.
JUST FOLLOW LAW?
The recent debate surrounding social media bans for children has reminded me of that conversation.
Australia in December 2025 became the world’s first country to ban social media for children under 16. Since then, some countries such as Malaysia have followed suit. France is the latest country to act, approving legislation on Jul 21 to ban children under 15 from social media.
Critics have questioned whether such laws are enforceable, with a recent study in Australia suggesting limited impact.
We were all young once, and we know how remarkably resourceful teenagers are. Give them a rule, and they will discover a way to break it.
That does not mean the legislation has failed or is unnecessary. We don’t judge every law by whether it catches every offender. Rather, It’s about establishing a social norm and making harmful behaviour harder.
I see social media restrictions in much the same way. If they raise the barrier to entry, even slightly, they have already done part of the job.
It’s a little like speed cameras on expressways. Every driver knows where some of them are. People slow down before reaching them, then speed up afterwards. We know this, and laugh about it, yet few among us would argue that speed cameras therefore serve no purpose.
Their value isn’t simply in catching offenders. Sometimes it’s enough that they cause people to slow down for a stretch.
WHEN THE RULES GET BENT
A few years after my little presentation, I discovered that one of my kids quietly created a TikTok account before we’d agreed she was ready.
For the record – I wasn’t snooping around her phone. I discovered it by chance when TikTok suggested her account for me to follow.
So much for discretion.
When we spoke, I wasn’t particularly surprised or angry. If anything, I’d always assumed something like this would happen eventually. We talked through the reasons again. I listened to her perspective and we agreed to revisit the discussion when she turned 15.
That birthday came and went. The following year, shortly after she turned 16, she downloaded TikTok again, this time with my blessing.
Did the one year make a difference? I can’t say for sure, but I think it bought us time. Time to discuss what social media does well, what it does badly, and what kind of relationship she wanted to have with it.
Today, my spouse and I have a group chat with our teenage kids on Instagram, and it’s spammed with memes and funny reels that we all contribute to.
A LITTLE MORE CONVERSATION
Perhaps that’s what the age restriction is for – buying time for us to have conversations over what boundaries are appropriate.
At some point, our children will make their own decisions. The parenting approach therefore needs to shift from prescription to persuasion.
When they’re young, we make decisions for them. As they grow older, we spend less time issuing instructions and more time trying to convince them that those instructions existed for a reason. That conversation is harder than simply saying no.
Conversations require us to explain ourselves. They require us to listen. Occasionally they require us to admit that we struggle with the very habits we’re asking our children to avoid.
If we’re asking our teenagers to think critically about endless scrolling, perhaps they should also see us putting our own phones away during dinner.
If we want them to be intentional about screentime, it’s far more effective to be candid about our own personal struggles with screentime as adults, and set an example ourselves.
I don’t expect a single conversation, or even a ten-slide PowerPoint for that matter, to settle the question of where social media boundaries should lie. Not when, at the age of 46, I’m still navigating it myself.
Neither will legislation.
We don’t have all the answers right now against the pressures of the digital era, but if we can navigate this together with courage and openness, I think we might come to a better place. Maybe even to a place of connection between parent and child – even if it’s just sharing memes and funny reels.
Kelvin Kao is a business owner and father of five.
Source: CNA/zw(sk)
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