Commentary: Twins suddenly made us a ‘large family’ – and taught me what gets harder as families grow
New family support measures could make the decision to have more children feel less daunting, but the hardest thing for parents to stretch is always time, says father-of-three Malminderjit Singh.
New: You can now listen to articles.
This audio is generated by an AI tool.
Read a summary of this article on FAST.
Get bite-sized news via a new
cards interface. Give it a try.
Click here to return to FAST
Tap here to return to FAST
FAST
SINGAPORE: Ask parents of two children if they would like to have a third child. One of the first questions in their minds will likely be: Do we have the energy to go through all that again?
If the answer is not an outright no, the questions quickly turn practical: Where will everyone sleep? How do we manage when we’re outnumbered? What do we do for transport? Can we still afford to go on a family holiday?
And perhaps the most important question: Will we be able to give each child enough attention?
For my wife and me, these questions came more suddenly than expected when we found out that we were having twins. We were thrilled, of course, even if becoming parents of three in two years was overwhelming, to say the least.
Guess Word
Crack the word, one row at a time
Buzzword
Create words using the given letters
Mini Sudoku
Tiny puzzle, mighty brain teaser
Mini Crossword
Small grid, big challenge
Word Search
Spot as many words as you can
Such anxieties and concerns likely hold back other Singaporeans from having more children. The costs add up – time, energy, money, space – and can be enough to deter a return to the cycle of gynae visits, night feeds and diaper changes.
ONE MORE CHILD?
For couples who already have children, the question is often not whether they want another, but whether they can stretch to take care of one more.
It is this group of Singaporeans that the family support measures announced by Prime Minister Lawrence Wong at the National Day Rally (NDR) on Aug 23 target.
Singapore’s fertility challenge is not just one problem but a series of thresholds with different considerations. Getting couples to go from zero to one child is a different challenge from getting those who have already chosen parenthood to consider having another.
For the latter, the range of new measures could make the prospect of having one more child a little less daunting. This makes sense when Singapore appears to have an unrealised desire for larger families.
Even though the total fertility rate has been falling, parenthood aspirations remain high. The 2021 Marriage and Parenthood survey found that 35 per cent of married respondents felt that having three or more children made for an ideal family size, though only 25 per cent intended to have that many.
THE COST OF ONE MORE
Yes, having another child means more expenses. And it’s not just the cost of one extra person.
Going out as a family? You can’t take a standard ride-hailing car that seats four. If you own a car, you may need a bigger one.
Going on holiday? A family of five might not fit most standard hotel rooms.
Yet, some of the costs can be shared. There are economies of scale to be reaped, from hand-me-down clothes and books to sharing toys and beds.
The new S$10,000 Baby Gift at birth and annual Child Credits of S$2,000 from ages 1 to 16 also put more cash into the hands of parents, rather than credits tied to specific uses. This provides greater flexibility to help address cost concerns.
Just as important is predictability. Parents can count on financial support from childhood to the teenage years – after all, parents don’t just worry about the costs of diapers and formula milk.
The government has also recognised the transport problem. Mr Wong also said there will be additional support to help large families manage transport expenses.
Space is the other big concern. First-timer families will soon have an additional ballot chance for every Singaporean child when applying for Build-To-Order (BTO) flats. Mr Wong also said the government is studying further housing assistance for large families.
While children can share a room when they are younger, they will need more privacy and space as they grow older, particularly if they are of different genders. For multi-generational families living under one roof, like mine, the consideration for space becomes a lot more acute.
THE HARDEST THING TO STRETCH
Parents will find ways to stretch a dollar and the space they have. But the hardest thing to stretch is time.
Whether you are considering becoming a parent or having more children, the same questions dog us: Are we ready? Will we make good parents? Can we give them the love and attention we want to provide?
That is sometimes difficult when you have multiple kids vying for attention, all at the same time. Many parents of large families will relate to coming home from a hard day’s work to have one kid complaining about their sibling, the other asking for help with maths homework and yet another upset about their rude classmate.
The new childcare leave scheme announced during NDR, which takes into account the number of children aged 12 and below, will go a long way to ease some of these pressures. With supportive employers and colleagues, parents will have more time to attend parent-teacher conferences, help their kids during home-based learning days, attend to unwell children or simply spend more leisure time bonding.
There are already questions about how parents might use the extra leave, including whether it is fair to use it for holidays without dipping into annual leave when colleagues end up covering their duties.
But more time with the children might not be exactly relaxing either.
Parents with a Primary 6 child may decide to use the extra leave to pore over assessment books and practice papers together, in preparation for the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE). Unfortunately, there are no economies of scale when it comes to PSLE.
Will PSLE revision be how my wife and I spend some of that extra leave? Ask us again in two years when we cross that bridge with our elder child – and then again the very next year with our twins.
PSLE aside, the joys of having three kids have certainly outweighed the costs for us and we are certainly enjoying the journey. Perhaps more will consider it now.
Malminderjit Singh is Founder and Managing Director of Terra Corporate Affairs and a parent of three children.
Source: CNA/ch
Sign up for our newsletters
Get the CNA app
Stay updated with notifications for breaking news and our best stories
Get WhatsApp alerts
Join our channel for the top reads for the day on your preferred chat app
Get bite-sized news via a new
cards interface. Give it a try.
Click here to return to FAST
Tap here to return to FAST
FAST
About The Author
