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We’ve all had a co-worker — or a friend or relative — who takes up way too much airtime. They dominate conversations and make it hard for others to contribute. You might feel there are only two choices: either stay silent and let them control the agenda, or force yourself to interrupt them, which can feel aggressive.
But as a communication strategist who’s consulted for major companies including Google and Microsoft and taught executive education at Columbia Business School and Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, I know that you can rein them in without blowing up the relationship.
At work, this is obviously easiest if you’re the person’s manager and it’s your responsibility to guide them. But if you’re peers with a good relationship, you can also bring it up directly.
It’s possible the “monopolizer” is self-important and just wants to hear themselves talk. Or maybe they’d welcome your opinion, but they don’t realize that their excessive talking is silencing you and everyone else around them. Either way, their behavior is a problem. It shuts down good ideas, impedes connection and collaboration and often breeds resentment over time.
Here are five ways to deal with someone who never lets anyone else get a word in.
1. Use a ‘break-in line’
You keep waiting for a pause in this person’s monologue that will allow you to speak, but it never comes.
You’ll need what I call a “break-in line” to interrupt the onslaught and reclaim the conversation. The best ones are short — you need to get them in quickly — and positive, so the other person doesn’t feel corrected or criticized by your interjection.
For example, you can say, “I love this, Brad!” or “Perfect!” or “Yes!” and then rapidly pivot: “I wanted to make a point related to what you just mentioned…”
It may feel rude to interrupt them, but they’re giving you no choice. Your friendly tone buys you enough space — and goodwill — to insert your insight.
2. Try the ‘handoff technique’
Stopping the monopolizer may need to be a team endeavor. Not everyone will know how to speak up in the face of this barrage, so if you have the confidence to do so, you can help make sure others’ voices are heard too.
You can use what I call the “handoff technique” to jump in quickly with the person’s name — which usually catches their attention — pick up on one thing they said and then immediately pass the conversation over to someone else.
For instance, you might say: “Brad, I’m so glad you mentioned that author! Rita, I think you read some of her previous books, right?”
This combination works because you’re stopping them, politely validating that they’ve said something useful and then empowering someone else to speak. It’s hard even for a monopolizer to charge back into the conversation right away, because you’ve specifically asked for someone else’s perspective.
3. Name the pattern
Most bloviators aren’t malicious, in my experience; it’s just become their style. Because they often don’t recognize the broader issue, the two techniques above may get them to stop in the moment, but the problem will recur. If it does, you may eventually want to have a separate conversation with them to name the pattern.
You might say something like: “Brad, I love how you have so many great ideas to share in our team meetings. Your enthusiasm is such an asset! But I’m noticing that other people aren’t always able to share their insights because you’re jumping in so frequently. I know you want to hear their perspectives, too, so I’m bringing this up because it’d be great if you could help make sure everyone has the chance to contribute.”
4. Create a signal
If the monopolizer is receptive, they may earnestly want others to speak up — and still fall back into their old habits. That’s why it’s a good idea to create an additional safeguard.
You can agree, in advance, on a signal to alert them if they’re talking too much. Maybe it’s a particular phrase, a hand signal or a direct message if you’re on a video meeting.
The exact phrasing and medium matters less than the fact that you’ve created a real-time notification that can help snap them back, so they can start to understand their own patterns and, over time, monitor themselves better so the responsibility doesn’t have to fall on you.
5. Escalate the issue
If a monopolizer at work isn’t receptive to your suggestions — or your relationship is distant or fraught enough that you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up — it may be time to escalate the situation and get your manager involved.
Presumably, your boss has seen the issue firsthand. But maybe they didn’t realize how much it was bothering others and holding the team back. You don’t even have to name your coworker directly, though your boss may catch your drift.
You can say: “I’ve noticed that in meetings, sometimes one person dominates the conversation to the point where it seems like others aren’t being heard. I know you want everyone’s best ideas on the table. At the next meeting, can we strategize as a team about the best way to ensure everyone gets airtime?”
Having your boss lead a general “best practices” conversation is a low-pressure way to help improve dynamics without singling anyone out.
Dorie Clark taught executive education for more than a decade at Columbia Business School and Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business. She is a keynote speaker, former presidential campaign spokeswoman, and bestselling author of “The Long Game.” You can subscribe to her e-newsletter here.
